A Time of Testing

I’ve never met anyone who enjoys having their faith tested in the time of tribulation and us Tucson Reinholds can be counted among those who would tend to pick a smooth and easy ride over a trial. Trials, however, come to us anyway and as James says, they produce steadfastness in us. Our 2012 has started off with trials large and small and as God tests our faith in Him, He has proven to be trustworthy and good to us while we face the weighty circumstances of our lives.

It feels like our trials started even before Christmas when Eric came down with a fever that lasted for 3 weeks and then turned into a cold. At the same time, my car failed emissions inspection and needed $1500 to be deemed road-worthy by the state. Despite its 4 visits to various mechanics, the check engine light continues to come on, even though it thankfully stayed off long enough to finally pass emissions. As for Eric’s fever, it is gone now but as he was getting ready to meet me in New Hampshire, he broke out in a rash from head to toe during his flight. He stayed in a hotel by himself that night because he was too sick to travel. Through the many prayers of our friends, he woke up completely clear of the rash and fever free and we give all the credit to God for healing Him. That small test of our faith produced steadfastness to keep trusting Him for the next trials.


One of the blessings of our trip home for Christmas was that I was able to visit with my Memom Kemp (maternal grandmother) who had been in and out of the hospital with COPD for a year. Her kidneys also had failed due to an aneurism surgery in April that put a lot of stress on her body. I was able to visit with her for a morning while I was home and am thankful to have had that time with her. On Thursday morning, January 19th, I got the call that she had passed away and went to be with Jesus. Just two weeks after returning to Tucson, I boarded another plane and headed back to western NY to celebrate her life with my family and share music at her memorial service. God was faithful to provide a cheap last minute plane ticket for me and I am certainly thankful that I was able to be there with the rest of my family.


Just one day before my Memom passed away we entered into what will probably be one of the longer times of testing we have experienced in married life. We began the fertility testing process which starts with an analysis of Eric. The results certainly explain why we have had trouble getting pregnant but we are still discouraged to find out that all of his numbers are very low. He will see a urologist in March to determine if anything can be done to improve his numbers. Although one of our questions has been answered, a whole new set of questions has been raised.


Despite Eric’s illness, my broken car, the death of my grandmother and the sobering news that it will be difficult for us to get pregnant, God has asked us to continue to trust His goodness and loving kindness towards us. We have raised many Ebenezer’s in our lives to remind us that He has never left our side and promises never to do so. We know that He is the great reverser of circumstances and that just as He healed Eric overnight of his rash and fever, He can also cause us to be pregnant no matter what kinds of numbers come back from the lab. We also know, however, that as much as He loves to give us good gifts, He also wants to produce steadfastness in our faith. We believe each of these circumstances has been masterfully created by His hand to sanctify us and ultimately draw us into a closer love relationship with Jesus Christ.


We are excited to share what God does with us and for us this year and also ask for your prayers. We would love for you to pray for us to have a baby, but we also ask that you pray for patience and wisdom as we wait and make decisions. We will keep you posted as God continues to work in our lives. May all the glory belong to Him!

When God Says "Wait"

The month of November is somewhat significant to me for a few reasons, the first being that it is the month of my birthday and I happen to very much enjoy receiving birthday gifts!  The second reason is that in the month of November in the year 2006, Eric Reinhold began his serious pursuit of making me his girlfriend and eventually his wife.  It’s hard to believe that was 5 years ago!  The most recent reason is that last year in November, Eric and I started the journey of trying to expand our family.  At that time we had been married for almost 2 ½ years and it seemed like a good time to try for a baby.  “Trying” did not mean getting rid of the birth control and waiting to see what happened.  “Trying” meant charting my temperature and using what we know about the women’s body when she ovulates to time everything in order to achieve pregnancy.  I had a friend here in Tucson who read the same book I did and she was pregnant within two months of intentionally timing everything.  My thoughts were along the lines of “Sweet, I’ll either be pregnant for my birthday or for Christmas and we can surprise everyone over the holidays.” 2011 was going to be the year of having our first baby.

           

We are now rapidly approaching the end of 2011 and Eric and I have not yet successfully conceived.  It has been a year and approximately 14 cycles of trying.  God, in His wisdom, has allowed us to wait and not have what we want right away.  The question of the season has become “How are you guys doing with not getting pregnant?”  The answer literally depends on which day of the month it is but God has graciously taught me a few things along the way.  My hope is that bringing you into this journey will bless and encourage you with the truth that not only is God sovereign even over the womb, but God is loving and good in bringing us this trial at this time in our lives. 

           

 Like I said, how I am doing with this waiting process depends on what time of the month it is.  When we are getting ready to try again, I get excited with anticipation that this will be the month.  As I approach the time when I will get my period, I am usually carefully tuned in to everything going on with my body to find any signs that I might actually miss my period and get to take a pregnancy test.  When it becomes more and more clear that I will probably get my period, my wonderful husband is usually mopping up all the tears that I start shedding and I would rather sleep than face another day of not getting what I’m trying so hard to get. 

           

 The first thing God has been teaching me through this past year is the lesson of contentment.  He lovingly reminded me that I have so much to be thankful for!  The first and foremost thing is that His loving hand has reached into my life and saved me from an eternity in hell which is what I deserve.  I’m alive when I should be dead as a consequence of my sin.  I wake up with the power of the Holy Spirit living in me.  What more could one ask for!  I also literally made a list of reasons why my circumstances are terrific which included my marriage, my job, my church, my friends, etc.  There was only one thing on my want list compared to all these wonderful gifts that God has given to us.  God challenged my heart to be thankful and joyful always despite any circumstance.  The apostle Paul wrote that he learned how to be content in any situation (Phil. 4:12) and every day God asks me to do the same thing.  Having a baby is not going to make me more content when the root of my discontent comes from my sinful, selfish heart.  Once a baby comes, I will find something else to be discontent about (probably the 110 degrees in the summer!).  The change had to start in my heart and I believe that through this waiting time God has given me grace to be aware of all the things for which I can be thankful.

            

If you spend any amount of time on Facebook you know that Facebook is loaded with pictures of other people’s babies.  I have two friends here in Arizona who haven’t been able to have children either and the rest of my friends are all blooming fields of fertility.  My repeated question to God when I find out that someone else I know is pregnant is “Why not me, God?  Why was it so easy for them and not me?”  God has not answered me with his detailed plan for how He’s working everything out for my good. The second thing that He has recently been teaching me through a sermon series on the book of Esther is that He is providentially working out all the details of my life even down to the smallest biological process of a sperm meeting an egg so that a baby is conceived in my womb. He keeps asking me to trust His timing and His plans.  He also has asked me to remember that He is sovereign and in control.  (Isaiah 46:9-10).     

          

I’ve always believed in the sovereignty of God.  Even people who wouldn’t call themselves Christians say things like “Everything happens for a reason”.  But when I ask God a question like “Why was it so easy for them to get pregnant and not me?” I throw the sovereignty of God out the window.  Throughout the Old and New Testaments we see that God is sovereign over the womb.  Women who are way too old to have babies get pregnant (Sara, Elizabeth, etc.) and women of child-bearing age cry out to God for children (Rachel, Hannah).  My friends are not haphazardly getting pregnant because they know how to use biology to their advantage.  Each conception is pre-conceived in the mind of God and planned by Him at the perfect time. (Psalm 139:15).  Each month that I try and don’t conceive is planned and foreknown in the mind of God.  The wonderful truth is that although I'm at the mercy of a sovereign all-powerful being who can do whatever He wants whenever He wants, God is not only sovereign, He is also good. (Psalm 103).   

           

That second part is always the hardest part for me to remember.  God is not asking me to wait because He’s a tyrant or because He wants me to pray harder or because He’s holding out on me.  The reason for my wait is known and planned by a good and loving God.  Because I believe that He is sovereign over my womb, I can trust that His promise is true:  All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28).  All of this waiting is working itself out for my good. 

           

The problem with my heart is that I’m impatient and want things to work themselves out now.  I want to figure out what God wants me to learn so I can learn it and get what I want instead of focusing on trusting Him and waiting on Him.  As I’ve been sitting through sermons on Esther continually being reminded of the doctrine of God’s providence, God keeps bringing me back to that place of resting and having faith that His promises are true and that His hand is in control.  This past Sunday I was brought to tears as our pastor said, “God wants you to believe that He is providentially caring for your life in every detail.  He is working it all for your good.”  Over the past year, there have been many tears that certainly haven’t felt good.  Printing off yet another ovulation chart does not feel good but more and more I am able to trust and know that any month could be the month and whenever and however God chooses to grow our family, it will be for my good and His glory. 

“Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!”  -Psalm 27:14   

Lego Time

Recently I had a happy childhood memory return to me twice in a matter of weeks: Legos!

Bethany bought me a great Lego castle for my birthday. Then we babysat some kids from church, Elai, Malachi, and Miah, who helped me build the castle. It is one of the most awesome and epic Lego castle sets I have ever seen!

A few weeks later Elai had a Lego themed birthday party and I got invited! Part of this birthday party was a Lego castle building competition. How fun! I was on Elai's team and we won the contest. Elai is in the green shirt.

My prize was a mystery Lego character. When I opened the package it was a Lego college graduate who I immediately threw in the Lego dungeon of my castle to remind him that times have changed. 
 

You, Mr. Graduate, need to wipe that smile off your face and pick up a sword. You now live in the dark ages. You live in a time when strength, honor, and swordsmanship are prized over your precious diploma.

Needless to say, I enjoyed the Legos and also playing with the foam nerf swords pictured above.