Making Plans

We know, we know...the blog has been dormant the first half of this year. There's a good reason for that and his name is Josiah Edward. We've been preoccupied with his cuteness, figuring out his sleep, his cuteness, changing his diapers and his cuteness. I wrote the following post for a project I am working on but wanted to share with our readers as well because it captures our life over the past couple months and years as we've entered into parenthood.

If someone had told me when I was 18 that in January, 2013 I would be married, living in Tucson, AZ and would have a c-section to bring my first baby into the world, I would have said, “Take your prophecy and go somewhere else.” As I walked into the adult world over 10 years ago I knew that my ideal way of living life would be to get married by 22 and have 4 kids all by the time I’m 30 while living in Pennsylvania (my state of choice for some reason.) Back then I had a pretty good idea of who would make a good husband for me too but that is another story for another blog. The point is I had plans. I make plans all the time. I plan my meals at the beginning of each week before I grocery shop. I plan what Eric and I are going to wear at special events like weddings and holidays. We plan our weekly activities on Sunday night so I have a general idea of what the next seven days will hold for us. I’m a planner. And in November 2010, I planned that we would get pregnant and expand our family. Little did I know that when those plans got turned upside down, it would be just the beginning of a lesson God wanted to teach me.

Proverbs 16:9 says “The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” I like the way the New Living Translation says it: “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” Before I tell my story, please don’t read this and decide that you should never make any plans or preparations. That would be foolish and a misinterpretation of these verses. What God wanted me to learn is that my plans may seem great in my mind, but I need to submit them to Him because He might be orchestrating something better. As I said before, I wanted to get pregnant in November of 2010. I turned 27 that month which was already way past the age I had wanted to start having kids so Eric and I agreed that it would be a good time to begin trying. By the third month of trying I was getting discouraged. At six months of trying I was shedding tears and wondering if we could get tested for something to be wrong. At one year of trying we started the fertility tests and also talked about how we would adopt if we couldn’t conceive. The prospect of having kids began to look bleaker and bleaker. Then in May of 2012, just before I was going to make the appointment for another fertility test, I got pregnant! It took eighteen months. I planned for one or two months and God had something else in mind. His plan brought Himself more glory. His plan taught me about contentment and trusting Him in times of waiting.

 Fast forward 9 months to January 2013. We were excitedly awaiting the arrival of our little baby boy and I was anticipating a smooth non-medicated birth at the Birth Center here in Tucson. I have many friends who had great success at Birth Center’s, my mom had two natural births, and I planned the same for myself. When I went into labor I had visions of Eric and I and our new baby boy sitting cozily in one of the rooms at the birth center with a feeling of success for pushing out my son. 30 hours of non progressive labor later I was numb from my waist down being wheeled into an operating room where a doctor cut open my abdomen and pulled my baby out of me while I was strapped down to a table. It wasn't what I planned. I’m scared of hospitals and needles and doctors. But God’s plan was not to rescue me from what I was afraid of. It was to give me perfect peace in the midst of it. In the end I had a beautiful baby boy who was healthy and strong and neither of us had any complications from the surgery.

Little Josiah is now 4 months old and if you want to learn about surrendering your plans each day, keep an infant around for a while. He doesn't always sleep when I want him to. He poops all over the cute outfits I plan for him to wear for pictures. He needs extra calories because he’s small so I have to supplement with formula. If things went according to my plans, he would already be sleeping through the night, his poop would always stay in his diaper and he would be a chunky exclusively breast-fed baby. The problem is that if things always went according to my plans, I wouldn't need God. I wouldn't know what it’s like to cry out to Him and have Him answer my prayers in His perfect timing. I wouldn't know the peace that only He can give in the midst of scary circumstances. I wouldn't know the strength that He provides when I am sleep-deprived.

I am now almost 30 years old with only one child living in the desert but God’s plan had more adventure, more trials, and produced more faith in me than I would have if things always went my way. As another one of my favorite Proverbs says, "In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

There he is in all his cuteness. We love him dearly and look forward to sharing more about what we are learning in this journey of parenthood.